Apparently, I am Still Alive

Well, the title says it all. I am still alive.

It has been a hectic couple of months. I am solo fucking busy. Like busy people kind of busy. That is why I seemed to neglect this flop blog altogether. That and the fact that I don’t really have the strength (or willpower) to update this blog. There you have it. Me being honest. Wow.

Seriously though, I am super busy over these past few months. Like most of y’all should know by now, I am continuing my study for my master’s degree and it is one hell of a hard work. This is not like preparing for my final year project, this is the real deal, this is it. I cannot afford to screw this one up. This is the breaking point for my future career as a sport science lecturer.

I think all of these supposed business really took it tolls on me. If you don’t know how busy I am, let me put you into light. I am a part time lab demonstrator, for 2 different lab sessions. And those lab sessions will take up to 14 hours per week. Then after that, I have to check the lab reports as well – 72 students for 2 different subjects: equals to 144 lab reports per week. Other than that, I am doing this charity "extra” work as well which is I will attend to these kids’ needs. These kids as in my juniors. Whether it is how to do a lab report, how to make discussions, how to elaborate their ideas, and even how to plot a graph – yes. I help them all. See, I am a very good “teacher”, I supposed. I am going to do all I can to make sure that these kids do well.

Other than being a good samaritan to these kids, I have to focus on my study as well. See, I am still in the process of preparing my proposal but it is a lot of work. I need to read tons of articles, refer to huge numbers of research, then I have to go through my basic knowledge of human physiology and exercise physiology just so I can make a damn good proposal. Do you know how hard it is to read all of those articles with terms applied that I haven’t even seen in my life before? It is crazy! Plus, I have volleyball as well. With all of these things going on with my life right now, 24 hours is not enough for a day.

I am always occupied. My time is always occupied. In the morning I will do this, then I will do this, afterwards rushing to do this, and then this, and so on so on. Then, when I reached home at night I will only have time for dinner, surfing the internet for about 45 minutes, then go to sleep. So, with all of these going on, I don’t have time to stop – just to stop and feel. I am so busy with my professional life that my personal life seems to be neglected. I don’t have time to think about what I feel or how am I supposed to react to certain things. All I ever feel is distress and tired and exhausted.

At points, it feels kinda good that I don’t get to feel anything. I don’t feel mad; I don’t feel sad, or even disappointed. But then again, I don’t feel happy as well. I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel the joy, even when I play volleyball. And when night falls, right when I am about to sleep, everything will fall into place and I will feel miserable and shit and I even cry thinking how suck my life is right now.

I hope that this is only a temporary situation. I cannot afford being in this state of emotion-less. I truly feel like I need to get away. I need to go on a vacation and just let it all out for a full week. Still waiting, though.

Well, the holiday is coming to an end and my life seems to be in that same circle over and over again. I don’t know how long I can keep up with this thing. I feel like I am a time-bomb waiting to explode. For real.

That’s all for now. Gonna try my hardest to update this blog more often. See you soon.

PS: my top 10 list is coming real soon.