Emotionally Exhausting

It has been a while since I have been here. Haha. But per usual, things have been, umm, how to say, emotionally exhausting I guess.

There are so many issues that I have to deal with as for the moment. First, there is this graduation thing coming up. I dunno why but I feel like graduation is a big step for me. It means that I am officially out there in the world on my own. I feel like I am not ready yet. It is a big world out there, how am I going to survive?

Then there is this big thing called Sukan IPT. This game is HUGE. Like, really huge. I don’t know if I really want to be there to play for my varsity, or just to be there for my friends. Somehow, I am caught up in between those feelings and seem to be unsure about why am I really there for training and stuffs. Hmm.

And, for sure, this won’t be my post without my complicated relationships. I dunno why but I feel like more and more I have becoming a walking kiss of death of friendship. I met up with some of the greatest people ever, but I tend to push them far away. I don’t know, it is just the way it is. I do want to stop, I do want to make things work coz I am so fed up of being in this situation over and over again, but I just could not stop.

It makes me mad coz at the end of the day, I feel lonely. Seriously. And not to mention my ongoing crisis with my shitheads and the feeling of not-belong in my team. This is just too much. I really need some time to get away. Like, pronto.

Don’t know how long I can take this anymore.