Ramadhan is Here.

Puasa is here. And I am happy.

Hari pertama puasa ja aku da dapat berita menggembirakan which is my shockingly good exam result. Happy gila aku. Tapi belum full result la, masih ada Latihan Industri lagi. But I think, I am gonna rock this one out. J

The fact that I am out-of-this-world happy right now is completely on the opposite of what I was feeling the other night. Uhh. Sedih gila aku. Ntah napa semalam tiba-tiba rindu gila dengan family. Aku masak untuk makan sahur semalam sambil nangis ni. Sebok dok pikir pa macam keluarga aku sana? Apa dorang makan sahur nanti? Nanti time buka plak apa lauk dorang? Sapa nak kasik abes makanan nanti time buka puasa kalau aku tiada? Hmm…

Memang kalau ikutkan mau jek tempah tiket flight then terus balik rumah. Lepas rindu. Da 5 bulan nda jumpa family. I never go this long without seeing my family. Tapi apa boleh buat? Ada tuntutan lain kat sini. It is what we called life. And life is not always ha ha hi hi..

People keep saying, makin lama nanti makin biasa la tu. nope. That is utter bullshit. It will never change. This feeling that I have for my family – the longing, the missing, and the undying love – it gets stronger each and every day.

It’s ok. I just have to suck it in. nda lama lagi. 3 minggu puasa sini, then I am back to my home. Sabar ja. Da namanya dugaan puasa. Hopefully, I will make it through. Good things come to those who wait, and I will wait.

Whatever it is, I will try and enjoy the blesses that will come along throughout this holy month. J

Life Goes On

Life goes on. That’s what people always say. Yeap, no matter what, life goes on. No matter what we have been through, ot how hard it is for us, life goes on.

I honestly cannot believe that my time is up in UMS. That’s it, I am done. I am no longer a student there. I can’t help but to feel extremely awkward every time someone comes up to me and ask “still study?” and I have to answer “nope, finished already”. And when I said finish, I literally mean it (at least so far). Like I always said, we always have that certainty – from kindergarten to secondary school, to primary school to pre-U and then varsity eventually. But after varsity? That’s where it gets scary.

As for now, I am currently on my third week of practical and so far, so good. I am adjusting to this life as a non-student and more to a worker - going to work office hour, living in the living room of my friend, taking care everything on my own. Damn! I was so spoiled when I was a child. LOL. But I am adjusting, I am adjusting slowly and steadily.

Being away from home in this state, it makes me understand more and more of how hard it is to have your own life – with limited support system. It is truly a cruel world where the fittest survives. And I am trying to be in that category, and so far, I am doing well.

I don’t want to think so much about the future and what it will bring because I am afraid that I am gonna mess it up. I know, I can’t avoid thinking about it from time to time, but as for now, I am trying to live for the moment. Enjoying every second of it (which is very hard when you come to office and has nothing to do all day). I don’t know where am I going to after this – continue study? Working? Going back home and do nothing? I don’t know.

One good thing is that I started running again. I always love running but somehow I don’t know why I stop. But here, in my new place, I found that passion again. I run again. And it feels so damn good. Running put me in a position where nothing else matter, just me, my stride, and the path. It is the time where I got to be me.

Well, life goes on. For sure it will. I don’t know what will happen next, the future is not one’s to see. But whatever it is, I am gonna put up the best fight that I can and I will win it. Yes, I will.

Ps: today is the birthday of one of my shitheads. Law Lik Huo, happy birthday old bitch! J

I Miss My Shitheads.

I Am Back

I am back.

Adeii la. Ntah berapa lama aku tinggalkan blog aku ni. Berhabuk jadinya. Aha. Tapi nda pa la. I am back, y’all. Berwajah baru lagi kunun. Padahal sama saja, sikit-sikit ja di ubah. Nda pa ba tu, yang penting isinya ba kan? LOL.

I officially finished my study in UMS. 3 amazing years (gonna post about it later). And now, real life begins. Sekarang da start praktikal and I moved to a new place. Selama 3 tahun aku di sini, ini kali pertama aku tinggal luar dari UMS. I think I have grown up now. Haha.

Well, banyak mau cakap – tapi pelan-pelan dulu. Sikit-sikit dulu. I will be back tomorrow. I promise – simply because confirm besok di office I got nothing to do. LOL.

See you later.

L.I.F.E

it is kinda funny how life works out. i used to be a player, a very naughty and slutty one, and i was very good at it. but then, as i want to stop, and i really want to change, peopl just don't give me a chance. like they always say, A SLUT WILL ALWAYS BE A SLUT. to be honest, that kinda hurt.

people don't change, i know. but people grow up. as do i. i think i am in a phase where i already have lotsa fun and now i want to "settle down". i think it is time to me to have a real relationship. it has been a while though since my last break-up, and it was very nasty. well, any one of us.. sometimes, SHIT JUST HAPPENED. so i took almost 1year and a half not to get into any relationship. just throw myself out there. see what the world are made off. and i had a blast!

but like i said, as for now, i am really looking or that relationship, the one that i can hold on to and call it "MINE". but i guess, when you got hurt a lot, you started to build a fence around yourself, not letting anyone get in coz you're afraid that someone will hurt you again. that's what i did. there are so many good people came to my life, and i ended up throwing them away coz i don't wanna get hurt again. you know what i am talking about right.

i know i may seems like a PUSHER. i push people. but the reason why i push people is because i feel so STRONGLY about that certain thing. that is why i keep on pushing it to make it work. to be honest, i don't really fall in love or like anyone now like i did back in the days. when i say I LIKE YOU, it means I REALLY LIKE YOU. i am not flirting with you. i think i have grown up now and i know what i want. but too bad, people will always see me as a SLUT, and i dunno if it will change or not.

i have lotsa love to give to that one right person. if i push you, sending u mails non-stop, it means that you are the one. LOL. so it is up to you to respond how. let me tell you, my heart was broken very very badly and i don't think i could go on anymore. but i don;t want that to stop me. i know we all get hurt at one point. but that doesn't mean we can stop loving.

one thing i wanna say is, i think we all deserve to be happy. don't punish ourself for the things of the past. WE CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT WE CAN LET THEM GO, AND START OUR OWN FUTURE. life is filled with shit, but we can choose to be happy if we want to.

so come on take a ride with me on this journey. let's see where we end up together. :)

It Has Been A While.

i will be back.

SOON.

this i promise you.

:)