Lonely.

Yeap. It is that time again where I feel so miserable and sad, and I even cried my heart out this time. Ntah napa. Nda plan pun mau nangis ari ni, but when it happened, shit got real. I cried like crazy. Nda pandai berhenti ni. Adoii. Terus aku pi mandi. And once again, shower made me felt so much better. Yeap, it did. I just stood there for minutes and cried. Pathetic, huh?

Ntah napa kebelakangan ni I tend to be a bit emotional. Maybe due to the fact that it has been 5 months since I saw my family. I think this is the record here. Ni la paling lama aku nda jumpa family aku. Ngam-ngam laie ada masalah peribadi muncul. I wish I was there at home at this particular moment. It’s not like my mom or dad gonna help me fix my personal issues, but it’s just being home makes everything seems so much easier better. Back in home, I don’t need to do laundries, cook, or in fact do anything think about these kinda issues. They seem to fade away all by themselves.

Buat pertama kalinya aku akui yang aku betul-betul lonely sekarang. Time praktikal ni betul-betul menguji kekuatan mental aku. Memang kalau ikutkan, kerja 8 to 5, then balik da penat. Masak, makan, tidur. Tinggal tu ja. No time to feel lonely. But that was completely wrong. Memang penat, physically and mentally, but things get worse when I turn the lights off. That is when the loneliness eat me alive.

Semua besties aku praktikal jauh dari aku. Aku teda kawan da ne sini. My shitheads pun belum balik lagi (I MISS THEM!!!).sendiri-sendiri ja la. It’s not that I have problem with my housemates, no. they are amazing. Tapi there will always be boundaries between me and them. Ntah napa. I just feel like I don’t fit in. for me, we are nothing more than just house mate.

In times like these, I really miss my family. I guess we all do, right? Family make everything feels better even when things are not. Hmm. Nda pa la. Tinggal 9 hari lagi. Then I will be back home with my family.

Until then, I hope God will give me strength to walk through these tough days. I know it might seem raining now, but there will be sun shine after the rain. And better, there will be rainbows too.